As a girl, I am a keen observer of people behavior with girls by living in the same society infect living in the same home. The society in which we are living have double standards in case of girls and boys. Not any other person made this society but we own, and the clear image of our thoughts is reflecting in our acts and behaviors. Islam set the limits of both males and females but females especially young girls are treated like a robot such as they have no feelings, no emotions, no right of giving opinion and no right to choose anything for herself even she had no right to take decisions by her own. A girl or female go outside from her home to study or for work, to prove herself on her own behalf, the major supporting system which give strength to her backbone, which makes herself confident, is her family specially the male members of her family.
If they give trust to her, she feels like she can fly over and over skies and can face every difficulty with ease on her behalf because she feels strong. But when she mistrusted by her own family she breaks. She feels herself as miserable person of the society. Our families have double standards for their sons and daughters. They do not restrict their sons on anything but they set a dozen of restrictions for daughters because she is a girl.
They grow up their sons like they are the lions of the jungle. This gives permit to them that they can do anything which they want. Even they can break all the rules and regulations which are prohibited universally and religiously, but no one asked them; why they do that? Infect if their daughters asked for their basic rights, they start scolding them that they are rude and have no sense to talk and they are advised to make do with what they are getting. Why? Why this is not for boys?
Unnecessary obstructions from any girl’s house made her mentally torture. Its not just the end, this is the tragedy of our society, we do raise our sons like a lion but we forget to teach them basic things i.e., how to live, how to talk with females and how to respect them even with mother and sister, how to take care of everyone’s self-respect and how to keep yourself in already set limits etc. so, we made them savage. We do not raise our girls like warriors so that they feel confident, they face society bravely, they feel strong. We do not teach them how to survive in this cruel society, how to protect yourself, how to face the problems alone, how to take big decisions for themselves and how to tackle opposite gender if they harass you. No, because we do not want to see our daughters independent. We want to see them dependent on their fathers, brothers, husbands and on their sons. Even after any mistake and doubt will come to the male category of her house, will be her end on the name of their so-called Ghairat, without knowing the truth and without giving them a chance to explain they are killed by their own family members. I want to ask what is the actual definition of Ghairat? On what premises we define it? This Ghairat comes up on every girl related issue. Where by forgiving the daughters for any mistake, by lovingly understanding to tell her there is a need to forget what happened, give her a chance to explain herself, and where there is need to resolve issue with percipience, we didn’t do it. Why do we not give space to girls so, they can also breath in the open air?
We raise girls to make them more sensitive than they are. From the childhood we set girl’s mind: you do not need to study more than basic, if she studies and gets higher education then mothers make them mind you do not need to do job, remain in home you have nothing to do at all. What will happen if you get higher education? You just wash dishes after studies so why would we spent money on your studies? She had no right to wish. Even she does not have right to tell her likes and dislikes. She does not have right to choose a guy for marriage. She has no right to refuse a guy because she does not want to marry him, she does not like him, she does not get good vibes from him, nothing at all there is no right for her. We used to do emotional blackmailing with her by mothers saying I give birth to you I have right upon you more than anyone, fathers by saying my honor is upon you, you have to take care of it more than anything else, brothers by saying “hamari Ghairat ka masla ha” , why would we not say this to our sons that you are also our honor holders, you also have no right to misuse independence and trust given by us, I have more right upon you more than anyone, why? These are the double standards of our parents, siblings, family and even society because we together made this society with our own rules and regulations. Where we have benefits, we take those decisions. We play with others’ emotions. If we are in power, we think I am the God.
Each and every reader, after reading my views, thinks I am anti person of all norms which are given by our religion and society because society also works and follows those regulations and limits which our religion allows us, I am the Islamophobic personality. What if I am facing this too? But the truth is that, I am not! I am a true Muslim girl and follows my religion from the core of my heart and stay in those limits which are given by our religion. If all of us study deeply of our religion we have come to know:
How we treat women? In which manner we address her? How much love, care and affection give to her?
What are her basic rights? What is her own right on her life?
She can choose what she wants, she can refuse anything because our religion gives her right to do so. She can marry with her own will and choice. She can show her likes and dislikes and nobody can force her to do something. Then why we are doing so? Why we don’t give her choices. Why we make egoistic problems when she asks for something, when she talks about her choice in case of marriage? We impose our decisions on her without thinking this is the matter of her whole life, no matter she is happy or not.
We torture her mentally on every moment, why are you doing this, from whom you get permission to do this, you have to sleep on this time, you have to awake this time, what should she do if she can’t sleep? She wants to see movie or drama on that time when the rest of the family members want to sleep, why are you restricted her to sleep if she doesn’t? She had no right to go outside with friends, she has to remain in home, so why we are not allowing her to stay in home with her own will on her choices.
Those who are facing this pain, stress, anxiety and mental torture every time, they know What the actual pain is. Sorry to say, its quite bitter but, not everyone is capable of having and raising a daughter.
(The writer is freelance, an academic researcher and youth leader with more than three years of acting volunteering experience.
